Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A man is dead after accidentally shooting himself in the head while teaching his girlfriend firearms safety.
Deputies and investigators responding to a shooting found 40-year-old James Looney with a gunshot wound to the head.
According to witnesses, Looney was demonstrating how to use the different safety mechanisms on several guns to his girlfriend.
The witnesses said Looney would put the guns to his head, and before pulling the trigger, would ask her if she thouight the gun would go off. With the first two guns, the safety mechanism worked. The third gun fired.
Looney was transported to an area hospital, where he was pronounced dead the next morning.
According to witnesses, Looney was going to take his girlfriend to the shooting range the next day, but insisted on firearm safety the day before.
Deputies believe alcohol was involved. (You can't make this stuff up.)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
From My Blue Heaven:
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Avast, ye scurvy dogs! This day marks “International Talk Like a Pirate Day!”
So take this moment to get ye some pirate booty and slip your monkey pump into someone’s bunghole, me hearties!
Yes, that’s real pirate speak you cheeky monkeys! What did ye think it meant?!?
But if ye still need lessons - - just go with the laddies who created this fine day! Arrr!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Speaking of requests, any requests for a future Friday Funny?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
New York's Fox 5 anchor Ernie Anastos dropped an F-bomb live on the air last night while making a bizarre chicken reference during an odd exchange with weatherman Nick Gregory.
As both men share a chuckle during their playful banter, the 66-year-old anchorman shocks his colleagues -- and the audience at home -- by saying, "Keep fucking that chicken."
See for yourselves:
What's even better is the facial expression on his co-anchor.
The enormous sammich sells for about $500 at Mallie's Sports Grill and Bar in Southgate, Michigan. Restaurant owner Steve Mallie said it took eight hours to bake the bun big enough to hold the burger.
"Being in the Guinness World Records book is the greatest accomplishment we've ever done," he said. "I've worked my entire life to build this restaurant and being able to have the notoriety of Guinness makes it just that bit more rewarding."
The burger is baked for 15 hours before it is topped with cheese, lettuce and tomato and wheeled out into the restaurant. (What?! No bacon?! Harrumph!
Editorial Note: Now, Sweet Monkey Fritters is all for hamburgers! In fact, the bigger the burger, the better the burger! Who doesn’t love a good burger? Well, those nutty vegans, probably… but they’re not real citizens of this planet. While it’s unlikely that SMF would drop $500 bucks for something that could basically feed a small third-world country, but can the folks over at Mallie’s at least KEEP THE KIDS OFF THE FOOD?!? No one wants some three year old's dirty diapered behind and bare feet perched atop a bun that took you guys that long to make. It sort of defeats the purpose now, doesn’t it? There's a MASSIVE HEALTH CODE VIOLATION going on there guys!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Cold Gin (which for whatever reason, was sung and still sung to this day by teetotaler Simmons) for Fritters’ sake! He wrote Parasite, another established classic (again inexplicably sung by Simmons since time immemorial.) Shock Me, throw another onto the classic pile. (Also a convenient bathroom break song/solo at concerts – there’s a SWF tip for you newbies.)
Save your hard-earned money and simply download “Foxy and Free” and “Fractured Quantum.” The Fractured Mirror collection do sound lovely together when played consecutively.
SWEET MONKEY FRITTER RATING OUT OF FIVE:
How does this bode for the new KISS release next month?! Stick around and find out!
SORRY ACE! ACK!
Generalfeldmarschall Sweet Monkey Fritters
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
An Austrian man has been fined £45 ($75 US) for farting while he was being questioned by police officers.
Police in Graz said the laughter of passers-by humiliated them, giving them grounds to book Hansi Sporer, 20, under local anti-police abuse laws.
"This was no accident. He clearly intended to make a laughing stock out of the officers and deserved what he got," said one police source.
The Safety and Security Act allows police to issue instant fines to people who insult or attack them.
Lawyers for Sporer argued that his outburst had been accidental.
"This was an abuse of a serious law intended to protect police officers from serious attacks by members of the public not some trivial incident. "In the end (HAH! GET IT?!) Mr. Sporer decided it was easier and cheaper to pay the fine than it would be to fight it."
Random television quote of the day using today's theme word:
The Young Ones:
RICK: Neil? Have you just farted?
NEIL: No, I don't think so, Rick, no.
RICK: Well, there's a horrible farty smell in here, and it's definitely not from my bottom!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The late great Bruddah IZ kicks off the very first Sweet Monkey Fritters Musical Moment.
Take note of the shark sighting at the 1:44 minute mark, located in the lower right hand portion of your screen. The ever vigilant Bruddah IZ even alerts local beachcombers of the porker's presence just as the video ends.
What a guy!