Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Police in Russia have arrested three homeless men suspected of killing a man, eating part of the body and selling other parts to a kebab shop. The men were held in the city of Perm, 870 miles east of Moscow, local investigators said.
Their statement said that the suspects had targeted the 25-year-old victim out of "personal hostility". It was not clear when the incident occurred. The men - who have not been named - have been charged with murder.
The investigators said that the body of the man had been found in a forested area near a public transport stop in Perm.
They said the three men attacked their victim with knives and a hammer.
"After carrying out the attack, the corpse was dismembered. Part of it was eaten and part was also sold to a kebab and pie kiosk," their statement said.
It was not immediately clear if any customers had been served.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
To celebrate, here are THE RAMONES!!! WHOOOOO!!!!!
And here's a little Oingo Boingo!!! Great song!!
Oh, ok... and here are The Misfits.
One last one... The Cramps.
May your trick-or-treat bag be filled with plenty of SWEET MONKEY FRITTERS!!!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Two burglary suspects who drew 'masks' on their faces with permanent marker pen have been arrested in Iowa.
A witness told police that two men with painted disguises were trying to break into an apartment in Carroll, Iowa. The caller added that the pair, both wearing black hooded sweatshirts, drove off in a large white car. Police soon spotted a 1994 Buick Roadmaster that matched the vehicle description and stopped it.
They found two occupants with mask-like scribbling on faces. Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint because of reports they might be armed, but neither man had a weapon.
Both suspects were charged with attempted second-degree burglary and have been released on bail. McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated.
ADDITIONAL:Iowa Police are still searching for their ringleader, Paul Stanley (circa 1974). If any Sweet Monkey Fritter reader has a TARDIS and has seen the man below, please contact the Carroll, Iowa Police Department immediately.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Sweet Monley Fritters is pleased to report some good news for a change... albeit from an unlikely source/person/gender.
A year after beating breast cancer, Peter Criss, a founding member of the rock band KISS, calls himself "the luckiest man in the planet."
While some men feel embarrassed because of "this macho crap," Criss said surviving breast cancer -- yes, men get it, too -- was actually a blessing. He was treated before the tumor could spread and said he's speaking about male breast cancer now -- during National Breast Cancer Awareness month -- to raise the profile of this rare disease.
Criss, who played drums for KISS and was known as "Catman," offered this advice to men who spot lumps in their breast: "Don't sit around playing Mr. Tough Guy. Don't say 'It's going to go away.' It might not and you might not see life anymore and how beautiful that is."
The 63-year-old musician is now cancer free.
Like many others, Criss wasn't aware men could get breast cancer.
"Even though we don't think of men as having breasts, they have breast tissue and are susceptible to getting breast cancer," said Dr. Sharon Giordano, an associate professor of medicine in the department of breast medical oncology at the University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. She is not involved in Criss' care.
"All men have some residual degree of breast tissue behind the nipples. It may be very small, but just like any part of the body can get cancer, that part of the body can get cancer," she said.
Male cases are rarer than female breast cancer, making up less than 1 percent of total cases.
According to the National Cancer Institute, in 2009 an estimated 192,370 women in the United States are expected to receive a diagnosis of breast cancer and about 40,170 are expected to die of the disease. Among men, there will be an estimated 1,910 new cases and 440 deaths.
"So many people must die from this," Criss said. "Somebody has to step up to the plate and say something to get them aware of how dangerous this is. Lots of men die: They wait, they don't go in, they put it off."
Criss joins a small group of men who have spoken publicly about having breast cancer. Several years ago, Richard Roundtree, the actor who played the title role in the 1970s "Shaft" films, revealed he had breast cancer.
Experts say men tend to get a diagnosis at a later stage than women, because they don't believe they can get breast cancer, and don't get routine mammograms or breast exams.
Breast cancer is "actually easier to find in men for obvious reasons. They develop an asymmetrical lump in their breast," said Dr. Stanley Waintraub, co-chief of The John Theurer Cancer Center's division of breast oncology at Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey. Men may ignore symptoms, such as lumps, pain in the breast or discharge from the nipples.
"A man has to know, if he has enlarged breasts, a lump, a discharge, just because he's a man, he is not immune to breast cancer," Waintraub said.
When Criss spotted a painful lump in his left breast after a workout in 2007, he didn't wait.
"I go to the gym; I've been drumming since I was a kid. So I'm very aware of my body," he said. "So when this happened I said, 'Jesus, what's this thing?' "
After consulting with his wife, who was battling a different type of cancer at the time, he sought medical attention. Criss had surgery in February 2008 to remove what the doctors thought was a harmless nodule. Later, he learned the nodule was actually breast cancer.
"I flipped out. I just couldn't believe it. It's a nightmare," he recalled. "I was angry at everything. I couldn't believe I had this. I was a really angry guy for a long time."
Doctors removed the cancer in a March 2008 surgery. Because the cancer had been caught early, Criss did not need breast reconstruction or chemotherapy.
The operation left no scars, so his doctor joked that Criss could still take his shirt off to play the drums. Criss responded with a laugh, "I'm in my 60s. Those days are over."
Criss sang lead vocal and co-wrote one of KISS' most famous songs, "Beth." He left the band in 1980. He rejoined the band for a reunion tour in the mid-1990s and stayed on, eventually leaving again in 2004.
He still plays the drums, and has started working on a record and an autobiography.
For men, "because of the lack of awareness, it can be stigmatizing to feel like they have a female disease when they're a man," Giordano said.
In the sea of pink ribbons, men who have breast cancer may feel isolated. To build a network among them, the John W. Nick Foundation started connecting male breast cancer survivors in 1996.
"They talk with one another," said the founder, Nancy Nick, whose father died of the disease. "It's the greatest thing for healing. They learn they're not alone. Second, they learn about protocol and treatment. They can compare their treatments and the care their doctor is giving them."
Criss credits his wife and his Catholic faith for pulling him through the difficult times.
Every year, he gets a mammogram; he had his checkup two weeks ago. "I left smiling like a Cheshire cat. Now, I'm coming around, I'm just so grateful," he said.
The causes of breast cancer remain unknown. But like women, men's risk of breast cancer increases if they inherit BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutations.
Criss said he learned that breast cancer ran in his family, so he called his sisters, nieces, daughter and even his brother about possible risks.
"It's just important -- just go get checked out," said Criss. "It's not like you're going to lose your manhood."
WAY TO GO CATMAN!
Arthur Liepins, 22, says he was cornered by four employees on the bus in Riga. He said they demanded to see his ticket and warned him he could "accidentally fall on the floor" if he didn't cooperate. One of the employees zapped him with a 1,000 volt taser gun when he tried to flee.
"I admit that I should have had a ticket with me but to use a taser gun was a complete overreaction. These people are just thugs," Liepins complained. "They were very threatening even before they used the taser. Even police arresting criminals don't go around firing taser guns off whenever they feel like it." (OH REALLY, ARTHUR? EVER BEEN TO AMERICA?!?)
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
He managed to get around strict anti-Nazi legislation in Germany by saying the gnomes are a satire on Hitler. However, locals have dubbed the models the devil's dwarves.
Garden gnomes remain a favorite in Germany. Experts estimate the gnome population is at 25 million. But there is a growing trend towards gnomes who make obscene gestures, commit suicide or engage in sexual activity, and courts have ordered figures to be removed if they offend neighbors.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Enjoy with some bread and marinara sauce! (That's the funniest thing in this clip.)
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
SOURCE: New York Observer
Earlier this week Super Right Wing Nut Job Ann Coulter told the New York Observer that women shouldn't have the right to vote.
Quoteth the shrew:
"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine."
People listen to this shrew without a view? The words shrew without a view remind Sweet Monkey Fritters about a line from an old Public Image Ltd. song. Although Johnny Lydon's line was "this spew without a view."
You know, when referring to Ann Coulter, either is appropriate. "Spew without a view" is just as equally accurate as "shrew without a view."
Here's a little Public Image to cleanse the political palate.
If you were to smoosh Stevie Ray Vaughan and Eric Clapton into one person, the end result would be Corey Stevens, whose musical influences are really pretty self evident in this song.
A GREAT song for a rainy Friday.
Well, it's raining here at Sweet Monkey Fritters Headquarters this morning. If it's not raining by you, pretend it is and enjoy!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
What fun surprise to find that they’re not just re-mastered, but the songs themselves were also re-recorded by the current incarnation of the band. (Paul, Eric, Tommy and Gene.)
Granted, this is probably old news to some, but the minute SMF hears the words KISS and GREATEST HITS CD in the same sentence, no further thought is given to said CD. Why bother, you know?!
It was nice to hear these Klassics with slightly different arrangements here and there. Eric Singer lending his backing vocals to these songs was a nice touch, too. Although, with all these re-recorded Klassics, there is one that does sound a little bit off. The re-recording of "Do You Love Me." There’s an extra drumbeat in the beginning of the song that sort of throws it off from the original. But, that’s a small complaint. Overall a nice little surprise.
The album artwork is taken from the Japanese exclusive release where these versions of the songs first appeared.
Same Sweet Monkey Fritter rating as "Sonic Boom."
SWEET MONKEY FRITTER RATING OUT OF FIVE:
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
So, was this worth an eleven year wait? Let’s find out, shall we?
1. Modern Day Delilah – Vocals by Paul – This was the first track released on their official website, and it certainly took a few listens before it started to grow on SMF. It’s sort of a cross between Rock and Roll Over and Carnival of Souls-era Paul Stanley. SMF wasn’t initially sure how to feel about this one, but it’s a solid KISS track. Given time, it may work itself into iPod rotation.
2. Russian Roulette – Vocals by Gene – The behavior of Mr. Simmons has been a source of aggravation for SMF in recent years. It’s a good thing that Paul managed to wrangle in his ego for this record. How does the Demon do on his first track... Simply put? Meh. The SMF iPod boycott of songs sung by Gene Simmons apparently continues if this song is anything to judge by. This is yet another one in a long line of Gene's throw-away songs on anything that's post make-up era KISS. Remedial lyrics. Passable vocals...even if it's mostly spoken. This is the best you could kick off your first album contribution with, Gene? Nice guitar work by Tommy Thayer, though.
3. Never Enough – Vocals by Paul – If the Revenge-era song "Take It Off" had a sibling, "Never Enough" would be the younger, spunkier little brother. They’re very similar in the vocals and cadence. (Not to mention more than a little similar to Poison's "Nothin' But A Good Time, but Ssshhhh... don't tell them.) This could have easily made an appearance on any KISS album since Destroyer. Nice job, Paul. This would be fun to hear in concert! It’s already been replayed several times as this review is being written. Appropriately named, too. SMF can’t get enough of this one.
4. Yes I Know (Nobody’s Perfect) – Vocals by Gene – It started off with potential, but by the time it reaches the bridge, it’s just more remedial Gene Simmons lyrical tripe. "Plaster Caster" / "Unholy" it ain’t, Gene. This about as inspired as anything he did on "Unmasked." The backing vocals are very reminiscent of classic KISS, though, and that’s pretty cool, but doesn't save the song. The SMF iPod ban on Gene Simmons continues.
5. Stand – Vocals by both Paul and Gene – They really should have done more of the shared vocals throughout their career. Those tend to be some of their better efforts. SMF HIGHLY RECOMMENDS their Ramones cover of "Rock and Roll Radio", if you need a recent example of their trade-offs. Stand is a pretty decent song and will probably do well as a sing-a-long at concerts. After several listens, it's clearly no "God Gave Rock and Roll To You", but it's close and will probably replace that song in concert. Overall, a pretty good song, but it gets a little long in the tooth towards the end. (And Paul... was that a Jackson 5/Michael Jackson "just look over your shoulder" references thrown in there?)
6. Hot and Cold – Vocals by Simmons – How many songs can Gene start off with the words "Oh, Yeah" and "Look Out?!" Still, this is probably one of his better offerings in a long, long time. Certainly his best effort on "Sonic Boom" since the CD started. This one would be fun in concert. Although the lyrics are standard Gene. "Feel my tower of power?" Really, Gene? SMF personally likes, "If it’s too loud, you’re too old." Indeed, Gene. Indeed. (The ladies man act is wearing more than thin after 35 years.)
7. All For The Glory – Vocals by Eric – Well, it took them long enough to let him FINALLY sing lead vocals on a song, didn’t it? Considering they let Eric Carr have vocals on only 2 albums, it’s about bloody time. This one is good. Nice guitar riff, solid vocals. Eric Singer is one monster drummer! This sounds the most like Klassic KISS. Well done!
8. Danger Us – Vocals by Paul – While this certainly sounds like Klassic KISS, "Danger Us" did nothing for SMF. If this gets played in concert, it’s a bathroom-break song. A throw-away song, at best. Decent guitar-work by Tommy, though, but it doesn’t save this mess. (Danger You! Danger Me! Danger Mouse!!...err... Us.)
9. I’m An Animal – Vocals by Gene – No Gene, the title of your last solo album is what you are really. Hint: It’s "A**hole." Worst song on the CD.
10. When Lightning Strikes – Vocals by Tommy – SMF has some cassette tapes of Tommy’s former band Black-N-Blue, but he was just their lead guitarist and not a singer. This is one is very catchy, and very KISS. Tommy certainly sings better than Ace ever did. Not bad, not bad at all. One HELL of a riff on this song, and some nice backing vocals. One of the stand-out songs on this album.
11. Say Yeah! – Vocals by Paul – This may have been a throw-away from Paul’s most recent solo album, but it’s catchy. In lieu of a ballad, this is a fairly solid song, and will probably sound fun in concert. Not bad.
This is going to cheese off the diehards, but the break-out stars on this CD are, without a doubt, Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer. Definitely the kick in the Azz that KISS needed to remain relevant. While SMF prefers the Kulick/Singer era of the band, the Thayer/Singer era isn’t half bad. Especially on this album. (Even Paul and Gene forced Tommy to play in a style as close to Ace's as possible.) Great production work from Paul, too. While it's unlikely we'll ever see another studio record from them ever again, this isn't a totally bad one to go out on. At least the four members of the band actually played on the entire thing. Something that can't be said for a KISS record in far, far too long.
SWEET MONKEY FRITTER RATING OUT OF FIVE:
P.S. - An open note to Paul and Gene...
Album length: 43 minutes?! What is this, a Ramones concert?!? Dudes, seriously?
Generalfeldmarschall Sweet Monkey Fritters
Monday, October 5, 2009
Police in Australia arrested a crocodile and locked it up in a cell after it was discovered loitering in a town.
Locals called the police after the 7 foot saltwater crocodile turned up at Arrkuluk Camp in the Northern Territory. Officers said they found it loitering near a fence "trying to look innocent", reports the Northern Territory News.
Sergeant Adam Russell said: "I wanted to jump on it Steve Irwin-style but the rangers wouldn't let me."
Instead, the crocodile was bound and bundled into the back of a pickup truck, and taken to the police station.
She was held in custody for three days until experts from a crocodile farm came to pick her up.
Sgt Russell added: "We cut the ropes on her legs just so she could move around... we couldn't have her tied up for all that time.
"We just hosed her down every couple of hours. She got a bit cranky when she was in the cells - started hissing when people came near."
Another SLOW NEWS day in Australia, apparently!!!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The squad from Sweden's cavalry division were supposed to attack an unoccupied home bought by the military for attack drills. Instead they launched a terrifying night assault on another home 200 yards away from their target.
"They were extremely lucky that the couple who own the property were out or they could have been killed," said one neighbor.
The troops blew out both front and back doors and every single window before they realized their mistake.
The unit is considered the most deadly strike force in Sweden and likes to compare itself to the SAS and America's SEALs. An army spokesman said, "We've already cleaned up after ourselves and we have, of course, contacted the owner. There's no hard feelings between us."
They cleaned up after themselves... that makes it all right now, doesn't it?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A man is dead after accidentally shooting himself in the head while teaching his girlfriend firearms safety.
Deputies and investigators responding to a shooting found 40-year-old James Looney with a gunshot wound to the head.
According to witnesses, Looney was demonstrating how to use the different safety mechanisms on several guns to his girlfriend.
The witnesses said Looney would put the guns to his head, and before pulling the trigger, would ask her if she thouight the gun would go off. With the first two guns, the safety mechanism worked. The third gun fired.
Looney was transported to an area hospital, where he was pronounced dead the next morning.
According to witnesses, Looney was going to take his girlfriend to the shooting range the next day, but insisted on firearm safety the day before.
Deputies believe alcohol was involved. (You can't make this stuff up.)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
From My Blue Heaven:
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Avast, ye scurvy dogs! This day marks “International Talk Like a Pirate Day!”
So take this moment to get ye some pirate booty and slip your monkey pump into someone’s bunghole, me hearties!
Yes, that’s real pirate speak you cheeky monkeys! What did ye think it meant?!?
But if ye still need lessons - - just go with the laddies who created this fine day! Arrr!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Speaking of requests, any requests for a future Friday Funny?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
New York's Fox 5 anchor Ernie Anastos dropped an F-bomb live on the air last night while making a bizarre chicken reference during an odd exchange with weatherman Nick Gregory.
As both men share a chuckle during their playful banter, the 66-year-old anchorman shocks his colleagues -- and the audience at home -- by saying, "Keep fucking that chicken."
See for yourselves:
What's even better is the facial expression on his co-anchor.
The enormous sammich sells for about $500 at Mallie's Sports Grill and Bar in Southgate, Michigan. Restaurant owner Steve Mallie said it took eight hours to bake the bun big enough to hold the burger.
"Being in the Guinness World Records book is the greatest accomplishment we've ever done," he said. "I've worked my entire life to build this restaurant and being able to have the notoriety of Guinness makes it just that bit more rewarding."
The burger is baked for 15 hours before it is topped with cheese, lettuce and tomato and wheeled out into the restaurant. (What?! No bacon?! Harrumph!
Editorial Note: Now, Sweet Monkey Fritters is all for hamburgers! In fact, the bigger the burger, the better the burger! Who doesn’t love a good burger? Well, those nutty vegans, probably… but they’re not real citizens of this planet. While it’s unlikely that SMF would drop $500 bucks for something that could basically feed a small third-world country, but can the folks over at Mallie’s at least KEEP THE KIDS OFF THE FOOD?!? No one wants some three year old's dirty diapered behind and bare feet perched atop a bun that took you guys that long to make. It sort of defeats the purpose now, doesn’t it? There's a MASSIVE HEALTH CODE VIOLATION going on there guys!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Cold Gin (which for whatever reason, was sung and still sung to this day by teetotaler Simmons) for Fritters’ sake! He wrote Parasite, another established classic (again inexplicably sung by Simmons since time immemorial.) Shock Me, throw another onto the classic pile. (Also a convenient bathroom break song/solo at concerts – there’s a SWF tip for you newbies.)
Save your hard-earned money and simply download “Foxy and Free” and “Fractured Quantum.” The Fractured Mirror collection do sound lovely together when played consecutively.
SWEET MONKEY FRITTER RATING OUT OF FIVE:
How does this bode for the new KISS release next month?! Stick around and find out!
SORRY ACE! ACK!
Generalfeldmarschall Sweet Monkey Fritters
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
An Austrian man has been fined £45 ($75 US) for farting while he was being questioned by police officers.
Police in Graz said the laughter of passers-by humiliated them, giving them grounds to book Hansi Sporer, 20, under local anti-police abuse laws.
"This was no accident. He clearly intended to make a laughing stock out of the officers and deserved what he got," said one police source.
The Safety and Security Act allows police to issue instant fines to people who insult or attack them.
Lawyers for Sporer argued that his outburst had been accidental.
"This was an abuse of a serious law intended to protect police officers from serious attacks by members of the public not some trivial incident. "In the end (HAH! GET IT?!) Mr. Sporer decided it was easier and cheaper to pay the fine than it would be to fight it."
Random television quote of the day using today's theme word:
The Young Ones:
RICK: Neil? Have you just farted?
NEIL: No, I don't think so, Rick, no.
RICK: Well, there's a horrible farty smell in here, and it's definitely not from my bottom!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The late great Bruddah IZ kicks off the very first Sweet Monkey Fritters Musical Moment.
Take note of the shark sighting at the 1:44 minute mark, located in the lower right hand portion of your screen. The ever vigilant Bruddah IZ even alerts local beachcombers of the porker's presence just as the video ends.
What a guy!